Friday, May 01, 2009

Labour Day 09

What is a day without Labour? Certainly not Labour Day. The day without Labour is the Sabbath Day. So that's the day when we should stop working. I guess I can't complain about the amount of work I have to do on Labour Day, today.

Yesterday, we had the a 2ndRE ThinkQuest meeting with KYap, and I p0nned halfway through. Well, for starters, I was hungry. And secondly, I was quite pissed. And thirdly, I was basically wasting my time.

Naishad, I and Lloyd had earlier contemplated about quitting the group last Wednesday, but they decided to 'not be so bad' and go on with it anyway. I had a different viewpoint. I was completely into the idea of quitting Edmund's group, and there were reasons, of course, not just because I'm some cruel mad person who goes around being a loser quitter. Don't be like that, only shows how weak a person is.

My reason for quitting was that number one, I was fooled. Very simply, I was fooled. Edmund approached me two weeks ago, begging me to join his ThinkQuest narrative group, and I was reluctant at first. But because he stressed on the word 'narrative' I thought like, "Oh, we can write some random nice story and submit it, no website or any of the usual ThinkQuest stuff." So I agreed. It wasn't until later on when Joseph Lee came that I was informed that, "No, it cannot be some story. It must be a proper essay." And also that there had to be a website, which he was taking care of.

Not that the website was much of a problem, but that the essay, evidence and gathering all of that, all of which I totally did not sign up for, would have to be done by tomorrow 1pm. And there's supposed to be some kind of meeting with KYap at 1pm tomorrow, of which I am so not going because I'm singing for Worship today at TM. So I'm sorry but I can't be there.

And perhaps I'm sorry but I can't do any of the work either. Or maybe I can just do some and pass it off, so even if I do minimal work my name will still be on that thing, and by some retardedly insane chances we win, I can get a Laptop. However, ThinkQuest judged are scr3wed up, as usual, and I really don't see why we actually bother participating in it, seeing as all they do it take people's hard work, add it to their library and be done with it. Also, only top 5 get a prize and a laptop, out of billions in the world. How would one know that the top 5 aren't just some dumb fake groups that they came up with themselves?

Simple answer. RI has one one spot out of that top 5 before, and they were rewarded with Laptops and etc. As such, because of the prize, I joined ThinkQuest Narrative, not knowing the consequences or outcomes, or what was expected and required of me. I decided that because I was suddenly loaded with all these responsibilities that I first made the decision to quit.

Quitting is not always a bad thing. Guan Hao has already proven this in the English Speech Assessment thing. It isn't really. People should quit smoking, people should quit taking drugs and people should quit being Ah Bengs and quit living pointless lives that lead only to the fire depths of hell. But not just that, we should also quit when we know that we're going to fail.

Wait a minute, doesn't that sound wrong? Much like coming from a person who is afraid of failure. Will you let fear make you quit? How can you be leader if you are so easily influenced by fear? If you are thinking these questions in your head, then I tell you that even LKY had fears, and so leaders do not necessarily have no fears. They at least do not give up in spite of their fears.

This is a totally different matter altogether. This is not fear of failure, this is knowledge of failure. We are going to fail and there is no doubt about it. Look, people have been working on the ThinkQuest Narrative for more than half a year, and we have to come up with everything from start to finish in 5 days. This incredibly short chionging time span makes it incredibly impossible. It's just not possible. And even if it is possible, I'm not willing to bear the costs of making this possibility come true. It's going to take up too much of my time over the weekends, and I cannot commit to this kind of schedule. I'm serious, even if its only for the weekend.

Lloyd and Naishad decided to stay on the team, and then accuse me of 'leaving the meeting halfway' and that 'I better do my work'. Then this whole comparing thing comes in. If other people can do it, then why can't I? My simple answer, I can. Of course I can chiong it in the weekend, and of course I can take on the responsibility and do the best I can despite the time constraint. But the question is, do I want to? Am I willing to do my best when failure is certain? Why should I continue when I have already failed?

When you fail, you do not keep doing the same thing in hope that you succeed. When you fail, you stop doing that, try something else and hope that it works much better than your previous attempt. Similarly, when you know you will fail and have already failed (maybe by some prophesy or oracle or vision or obvious common sense) then there is no point in continuing to fulfill your pessimistic views that you will fail. Instead, stop doing that thing altogether, and try another method to succeed. In other words, give up on ThinkQuest and see what other areas suit your abilities better, and then excel on these.

You may call me pessimistic because I keep saying that failure is not a probability but a definite outcome. But my definition of failure is not winning a prize. Why do you think I said I failed last year for RE? It's because we didn't win anything. Not winning is a failure in itself, and there are other failures within that process. I might succeed in completing my responsibility, but we will still fail to win anything in the end of it all. Would this small success be enough to drive my willpower?

Why should I chase after pointless success? I can succeed in eating ice kachang. I can succeed in failing. I can always succeed in doing my work, Andy, anytime without having to fail on a larger scale. In team form. It is my 2ndRE anyway, and I do have to right to drop it, and nobody else, not even Principal, Senior Deputy Headmaster, Deputy Principals, Teachers or fellow Rafflesians.

And I will exercise this right when I feel it necessary. My other work that I have to do for this week is the Literature thing, the History thing and study for Higher Chinese Test on Monday. And I'm like already dead after doing the Lit thing. And I'm just being damn emo. I was damn emo when I came back home on Thursday after p0nning the meeting.

I was just freaking pissed off at the fact that I have to uphold this kind of academic responsibility, integrity in a team and not let down KYap or the rest of my team members and I ask why the heck do I have this responsbility and why the heck do I have to uphold it. Why can't I just make my own decisions as to whether or not I can quit this team without getting badmouthed, seen as a quitter, or getting reprimanded by KYap, or anyone around me? Why not?!

As you can see, I have no freaking choice so I'm doing this stupid thing anyway despite having also to do History reflections and the Macbeth Lit thing. I'm not actually blaming anyone. The one I'm going to have to blame the most are those scr3wed up ThinkQuest judges who created this scr3wed up pointless competition which is incredibly unfair to us. If it weren't for their stupid rule of '15 years and below means that if you are 15 years and two days then you are older than 15 years' so you have to participate in the under 19 category, then maybe I would be less emo than I am right now.

But as of the moment, I shall just wallow in self-pity and try to do as many things as possible whilst going on a hunger strike and not eating dinner on Labour Day because I have too many freaking things to do tonight and tomorrow is too hectic (got TM412) and Sunday has church service. And I have to download files off my Yahoo! Groups... brilliant! Just great.

Have a Happy Labour Day all!
kaizersabre performed alchemy @ 5:58 PM